This week we talked about Divorce and Remarriage. This was a very depressing topic for me. I hate the idea of both of these things. In the 1970's the divorce rate started to increase. The No Fault Act came into play around that time and it was made to make getting a divorce much easier. By 1974 the divorce rate had tripled. There is a difference between a contract and covenant marriage. A contract marriage is a binding agreement between two parties. A covenant marriage is when the terms of agreement are set by a superior party. We strive to have a covenant marriage in the temple, involving us, our spouse, and God. Another significant time of divorce was in 1945 during WWII. This goes back to the high divorce rate in the 70's. These people saw their parents divorce before them in the 40's and 50's. Women are more likely to initiate a divorce in and out of the church. 70% of Americans who divorce say about two years later that they realized they should have and could have fixed their marriage instead of getting a divorce. 75% of people who marry stay happily married. President Spencer W. Kimball gave a never failing formula for marriage.
1. Careful Selection- marry the right person and the right time in the right place.
2. Great Unselfishness
3. Continued Courtship- keep on dating!
4. Keep the Commandments

This week we talked about parenting and the importance of it and why we are parents. The purpose of parenting is to help us develop patience and to teach and learn along the side of children. It also brings us closer to Heavenly Father’s role and it can change our relationship with God. Parenting is being selfless and it does just as much for us as it does for children. We are called to protect and prepare our children to survive and to thrive in the world they are going to live in. There are four different types of parenting. The first it authoritative. This is also called active parenting. Parents with this style give high consequences and high choices. The Authoritarian parent gives high consequences, but low choices. The permissive parent gives high choices and low consequences. They are more of a friend than a parent. The uninvolved parent demonstrates low consequences and low choices.

This week we talked about working mothers and fathers. Men started leaving the home for work in the 1800’s during the Industrial Revolution. Women did the same thing during WWII. Work and family life used to be the same thing and you would do it with everyone if your family. Now they are two separate lives. After 1949 we haven’t seen women flood back home and out of the work force. We see the opposite. Women are still flooding the workforce today. Women now take up 60% of the workforce. We also read an article called "Does a full time mother swap her mind for a mop?" It was a really interesting article that made me feel better about wanting to be a stay at home mom. It explained all the benefits of being a stay at home mom.

This week we talked about power struggles in relationships. I learned that there is a difference between conflict and power. Conflict can bring us closer when both people are trying to work something out together. When you have power over someone you have influence rather than control over them. There are different types of power. The first is coercive. This is when you are avoiding pain. The next is reward. This type of power is used when you are wanting something. The next is legitimate power. This is when you have a right to ask and a duty to respond. The fourth is expert power. This is when you have the power because of your knowledge and expertise. The fifth is referent power. You exhort this type of power when you desire to please your spouse. The last is informational power. It is when what your spouse wants is in your best interest.

This week we talked about how to deal with a family crisis. A crisis is when something occurs and that necessitates a change. There are different types of adjustments that come about.  We start out at a level with the pre stressor.  During the crisis that drops and then there are three outcomes, you are either level with the way you were before the crisis, lower than before, or higher than before.  The best outcome is the last one, becoming closer together because of a certain crisis. Hill came up with the ABC-X model. The A stands for the actual event or stressor, the B stands for both responses and resources or how we deal with it, and the C stands for cognition or the way we are thinking. Put those all together and you get the total eXperience.  Looking back at crises my family has gone through, using this model, I can see where we didn't handle things in the best way possible.  It also brought back a lot of memories and it was hard to relive them.  We don't get to decide the initial event, but we do get to decide our actions and outcomes. This will influence future events.

This week in class was probably one of my weeks of school.  I loved talking about dating and marriage.  In class we learned that the average cost of a wedding in the United States is $27,800. This was so astounding to me! In today's world we are seeing new marriage trends that are arising and becoming more prevalent. Less women are getting married.  People are getting married later.  Men and women are becoming equal money contributors. Divorce is also increasing. The solution to most marital problems is to keep dating.  There are 4 different stages to reaching a happy marriage.  The first is dating.  This is when you go on a lot of dates with a lot of people.  During this time you shouldn't be tied down to anyone.  Once you find someone you really like you move on to the second stage which is courtship.  This is when you are exclusively dating one person.  This is a trial stage.  You keep dating and practice decision making together.  The next stage is the engagement.  This is when you have a ring and a date.  You continue to date.  This is a time to plan your marriage.  Most people spend more time planning their wedding than their actual marriage. The last stage is marriage.  During marriage you learn to rely upon each other.  Apply problem solving skills and practice sacrifice. Learn to establish boundaries.  Learn intimacy together.

I loved our discussion in class on Monday about dating.  I liked how we talked about the dating filter.  It all makes sense to have a filter because some things are more important than others when it comes to dating.  The first one, propinquity is the most important because when you are dating someone you want them to be geographically close to you.  The distance between you should not be far.  The next one which I think people don’t like to mention because they don’t like to sound vain it attractiveness.  When you don’t know the inner qualities to them yet, their outward appearance is the only thing you can judge them on.  You must be attracted to them before you get to know them.  This is initially physical, but as you get to know them, they usually become more attractive. The last thing I wrote about the dating filter was similarities.  Similarities are more than just common interests.  This can be religion or anything familiar to you.  I really loved talking about the 3 P’s Elder Oaks talked about when it comes to dating.  They are paid for, paired off, and planned.  I thought it was cool that we could compare those three things to three of the responsibilities fathers have to their families.  To go along with paid for is to provide, paired off is protect, and planned goes with to preside.  When we are dating we are preparing for marriage and the roles we will someday fulfill. 

This week I was especially focused on the aspect of social class and families.  We talked a lot about of the upper class values money and structure and seems so fancy and perfect, while lower class is poor and has no values.  I personally think that class isn’t all about wealth and money.  The world views success as wealth.  I think that it’s about the way you present yourself with what you have.  I also believe that it has a lot to do with your actions especially towards others.  I think that you can have an upper class attitude and technically belong to the lower class due to financial situations.  I also believe in the opposite.  You can be upper class because of your money, but be considered lower class because of your way of life.  So what does this have to do with families?  Well the purpose of families are to bring to pass Heavenly Fathers plan to become like him.  Married couples bring children into the world to provide structure and support for their children.  How they interact with their family is the way they will interact in the world when they are out of the house. Families offer love and support, influence values, and provide finances.  I think that it is important to keep a balance between your social class and family life.  Usually people in the middle class have better family relationships because when you are at the two ends of the spectrum it is easier to not focus on the importance of your family.  If you are upper class you probably focus on money.  If you are lower class you are most likely focusing on working to sustain yourself.  There is a constant struggle between rich and poor.  Anyone can strive to be better.  You can also have a successful family no matter what social class you belong to.

This week in class when we talked about the trends going on it really intrigued me.  Marriage is declining.  The average age for women is 26 and for men it is 28.  This leads into the next trend which is fertility rate.  Because people are getting married later in life, they tend to have fewer children.  With the fertility rate being lower this also correlates with the birth rate lowering.  There are half as many children being born.  The people who cohabit are increasing.  In 1960, 430,000 people were in a cohabiting relationship.  In 2008, the numbers showed that 6.1 million people now cohabit. On the other side of that, more people are starting to live alone.  In 2006, 30.5 million American’s were living alone.  This can go back to marriage and the trend of getting married later in life.  The household sizes are shrinking. In 1790 the average household size was 5.8 people, in 1960 it was 3.3, and in 2006 it decreased to 2.57.  Premarital sex and increased tremendously.  Trusting what teenagers say, 48.6% of high school kids have had sex.  This leads into the next trend of unwed births have also escalated. In America, 38.5% of all births are to unwed mothers. Statistics have shown two very different outcomes when women get pregnant before marriage.  In 1950 it was shown that 50% of women will marry the dad, 49% will place the child for adoption, and only 1% will abort.  In 2005 they looked at the same scenarios.  The found that 50% will marry the dad, 1% will place for adoption, and 49% will abort. Now you may be asking yourself, why does this all matter?  Times are changing and people’s attitudes and behaviors are also changing.  I don’t know the answer to that yet, but I am hoping to find that out.